Do it again
by idioticonion
Summary: Barney is an inexperienced yet pushy bottom. Set after Say Cheese. Explicit M/M/F smut.


As Robin and Ted were leaving, gathering their coats and kissing the Lily on the cheek with a final Happy Birthday, Barney cornered Marshall in the kitchen out of sight of the others. While the big man washed dishes, Barney sidled up to him and presses his tall, skinny frame against Marshall's back.

"Dude!" Marshall huffed, scrubbing a particularly stubborn dish.

"C'mon," Barney wheedled, rotating his hips and pressing the tips of his fingers lightly against Marshall's waist. "When are we gonna do it again?" He brushed his nose against the back of Marshall's hair.

"I'm a little busy here," Marshall chuckled.

"But you can't just show me photos of your dick with a bow on it and expect me not to want a little sumthin' sumthin'?" Barney complained.

Marshall reached back and grabbed Barney's wrist with one soapy hand, twisting around and glowering down at him. "Do I have to slap you?" He threatened.

Barney merely flashed him a canary-eating grin.

"No, not on the ass…" Marshall laughed, guessing what those twinkling blue eyes were implying.

"Aw!" Barney's lips turned down in mock-disappointment and he shimmied closer again, his body moving against Marshall's in a sinuous wave, his fingers travelling down Marshall's stomach to crawl over his groin.

"Barney!"

"Shh, Lily'll hear!" Barney grinned, but then he felt Marshall freeze, the muscles in his arms locking.

"She already heard." A female voice rang out behind them.

They both turned around to see Lily blocking the doorway. Barney quickly pulled his hands away from the incriminatingly huge bulge in Marshall's pants. The two men stood frozen long moments.

"Well?" Lily said, crossing her arms.

"Lil, I can explain!" Barney looked so panicked that Marshall couldn't stand to keep up their pretence. He slid a reassuring arm around the other man's shoulders.

"It's okay buddy," Marshall said, his voice low. "You really think Lil didn't know already?"

The expression on Barney's face was comical confused as he rounded on the two of them. "What?"

"Yeah," Lily confirmed, with a single nod and an incredibly smug grin. "And I was pissed!"

"Pissed?" Barney flashed Marshall a worried glance.

"She's playing with you!" Marshall laughed. "She was just angry that we didn't let her watch."

"And since it's my birthday," Lily said, bringing out her new camera from behind her back, "I think it's only fair that I get you guys on film!" She smirked. "Robin's not the only one who's curious to see if she can get a bad photo of Barney."

Barney raised an eyebrow. "No chance, Aldrin."

Lily nodded. "We'll see."

*--*--*

"Stick it in already!" Barney demanded, then yelped as the blunt head of Marshall's gargantuan cock pushed against his well-oiled asshole.

Lily hadn't been too sure about them using her $50 bottle of rosemary olive oil as lube, but Barney kept whining that if they made him wait one more minute to find some he'd be losing wood.

So that's how Barney ended up bent over the kitchen counter, bare ass in the air, suit pants around his ankles, with Marshall desperately trying not to hurt him while at the same time manfully managing to resist gagging him to stop his whining.

Lily, however, wasn't so patient.

"Okay, you say one more word, Stinson!" She said, taking picture after picture as she tried to find the "most erotic" angle. "One more word and I'll stick an apple in your mouth!"

"Screw you!" Barney moaned and yelped again. "No, screw me! Get on with it, Eriksen! Jesus, no wonder they call you Counsellor Slow at work!"

"You're not ready yet, man! I'm hurting you!" Marshall protested. "And they so do not call me Counsellor Slow!"

Marshall caught Barney's hips in his hands to stop the other man pushing back, trying to impale himself on Marshall's erection.

"Stop it!" Lily said, swiping at Barney's bobbing cock before falling to her knees to get another shot. "Oh this is good…" She licked her lips and as Barney looked down, and she began to play with him idly with one hand. "Marshall," Lily said thoughtfully, "Look at his little dick! It's as slim and perky as I remember it…"

Barney smiled and sighed. "Yeah, that was the first time the three of us did it. Remember guys, that time-"

"We were there, dude!" Marshall grunted, pausing to pour rosemary-scented olive oil liberally over his dick and between Barney's buttocks.

"Mmmph!" Barney moaned with pleasure. "Why did it take us so long to do it again?"

Marshall laughed. "Because you're so demanding! It's kind of annoying!"

Lily decided that being an observer wasn't enough. She curled her fingers around Barney's erection and she began jerking him off absently while still occsionally snapping a photo.

"Well if you- ah! just got on- ohh! with it -eep!" Barney's words disintegrated as Marshall finally pushed inside him. The blonde fell silent, eyes closing tight with concentration, as Marshall moved slowly but carefully, thrusting forward with as much force as he dared, and angling his back-stroke in a way that made Barney's knees buckle again.

Lily took her hand away and was rewarded with a stream of curses.

"Hey Lil?" Marshall said with a grin. "How long do you think we can keep this up without letting him come?"

"What?" Barney said, as Marshall wrapped his arms around his waist. As he struggled, he only impaled himself harder on to Marshall's mammoth dick. "Please… Marshall…" Barney moaned. "Lily?"

Lily wrapped her lips around the head of Barney's dick and gave him a few experimental sucks while her husband held the blonde's wriggling body still. Just as Barney's angry protests gave way to low groans and compliments, Lily pulled away.

"You son of a bitch!" Barney growled.

Then Marshall began to move again, with slow, measured thrusts, but again, before Barney could come, he stopped, and pulled out completely.

"I hate you!" Barney raged.

"Don't be such a baby!" Lily said with a laugh, playing with Barney's quivering erection, licking the pearls of pre-come that leaked from the top. She grinned and looked up at Marshall. "I like this game, Marshmallow!" She said.

"Hell yeah," Marshall grinned, turning Barney around and fingering the end of his tie before pulling it so that the blonde stumbled forward into his arms. "I think it's time we taught you some manners, Stinson," he grinned, leading Barney out of the kitchen and into the hall, like a puppy on a leash. "This might take all night!"

"Dude!" Barney complained. "Careful of the tie, bro, it's silk!"

"What?" Marshall said, stopping suddenly, holding Barney still so that Lily could finger his balls and squeeze them gently.

"Eep!" Was all Barney managed, eyes wide. "Sorry, dude! Sorry! Don't-!"

"It's a start," Marshall said, as Lily let him go, stepping back to take another photo.

"Best birthday ever!" Lily grinned, following them into the bedroom with a yell of delight as the three of them collapsed onto the bed.


End file.
